Saturday afternoon I learned that not all Burt’s Bees lip balms are created equal. Or something like that. We had a wedding to go to in the afternoon, so after lunch I changed into a skirt and got ready to go. I didn’t realize until we were ten minutes down the road that I had forgotten my chapstick in my pants pocket. In my sad little mind, going anywhere farther than the mailbox without chapstick is a travesty.
No, never mind. I just looked that word up, and I’ve been using it the wrong way for years. It actually means “a farcical or grotesque imitation; mockery; parody.” I thought it meant “a terrible horrible no good very bad thing.” Bummer.
So we’re driving down the road and I realize: I have no chapstick. At all. Not in my coat pockets, not in my purse; our van hasn’t had a chance to collect anything useful in it yet, so there’s no use poking around in the glove compartment. And then I remembered my recent discovery: Vic’s (BP station) has started selling Burt’s Bees! Saved.
So I sweet-talked Roger into stopping really quick for me before we picked up the kids from music practice at school. When I got there, I found out that their Burts Bees selection included A) honey – my least favorite option B) pomegranate – my second least favorite and C) Lifeguard’s Choice – one I’ve never tried before. I went with:
It seemed a little odd when I opened it. It was kind of white – like those strange zinc oxide sunblock sticks that smiling people supposedly smear on their noses. But it went on smoothly and had that nice minty bite to it that makes Burts Bees so wonderful.
And then I went into the school to get the kids. I was in the restroom with my girls helping them change into their clothes for the wedding when Malin said, “Mom, I like your lipstick.”
I looked in the mirror, and sure enough, under the restroom lights, my lips were a nice pale Barbie purple. It may have been the lighting, it may have been the contrast of my bright red sweater, but it wasn’t exactly attractive. Just weird.
It’s not my favorite thing in the world; not something I’m going to make a habit of wearing to weddings. But I’d still choose it over that gritty honey flavored Burt’s Bees lip balm…
And you. If you ever find yourself with a tube of Burt’s Bees Lifeguard’s Choice in your hand, remember: it looks better with a bathing suit than with a sweater and heels.