This is a small picture of my house right now: No, we’re not moving. It’s just the end of the summer. That’s all. Living at a summer camp means that life explodes into crazy busy chaos during the summer months – even when you’re not a staff member who’s directly involved with the campers. Sometimes I feel like I play a very small role in making summer camp happen – but it still takes a lot of time. On top of that, I’m raising children (or at the very least- doing their laundry!) and working a part-time job. Life is full. There aren’t enough hours in the day for everything that needs to be taken care of. Thus: the piles around the edges of my home.
That’s also a pretty decent picture of my emotional life right now. My brain is so full of things that need to be done and details that need to be remembered that I push all the extra emotions to the side; make neat little piles to get back to later. It’s the introvert in me, I guess.
In order for my brain to function properly, I need a certain amount of alone time, time with no words. During summer camp, that kind of time is hard to find. We have so many people who come through camp every year; they’re good people – I love them. I love getting to spend time with them. I love all the good, thought-provoking conversations; I get inspired and encouraged; I learn things. But I also get overwhelmed. By the end of the summer, I don’t want to be around anyone except my husband and kids (and them only when I’m well-rested, well-fed and generally in a good mood.)
I’ve been self-diagnosed with Seasonal Relationship Disorder. It kicks in twice a year – at the end of the summer and at Christmas. I get tired of hearing words spoken out loud; tired of conversation, tired of being around people; I’m emotionally drained. All I want is time alone to think my own thoughts. Even spending time with my closest friends feels like too much effort.
But now summer camp is over, and we’ve gone on vacation with my Hunsberger family. I love being with my family; they relax me. We talk about electronic gadgets and share stories about our lives; we don’t hash out emotional problems and people don’t constantly over-clarify. Being with my family felt like pulling on my favorite jeans and sneakers on a breezy autumn day; comfortable and energizing.
I came home ready to clean my front porch and paint the door a cheery, welcoming color. But… I’ve been making myself wait until after our big benefit auction on Saturday. Just a couple more days! And… I’ll probably take care of some of the piles in my life first too.
Have a great weekend!