-“raise your head, for Love is passing by”-

I’ve  been listening to lots of old CDs lately. It started a few weeks ago when I watched Ragamuffin; afterwards I pulled out all my Rich Mullins CDs and started appreciating them again. That led to David Wilcox… Michael Kelly Blanchchris riceard…. Steven Delopolous… and last night- Chris Rice.

He has this one CD. Man. I’d completely forgotten what was on it when I pulled it out this morning – it’s a simple little song he calls Untitled Hymn. (Click the link if you want to listen.)

I got this CD sometime around Malin’s first birthday when all was right in my world. I had a wonderful husband, two fun little boys, and now a beautiful daughter to make our family complete. I always expected to have all boys – giving birth to daughters was a beautiful and surprising gift. It gave a little boost of joy to the whole parenting thing. At the time, this verse of his Untitled Hymn described my life perfectly:

Oh, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can’t contain the joy inside…. then
Dance for Jesus, dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

I hear those words and I’m back in our old living room, twirling around and around with sweet Malin cuddled in my arms until we’re both laughing and dizzy. Life is perfect and fun and I’m thrilled to be the mother of this stunning little girl.

But just before that joyous verse of the song is this one:

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain… then
Cry to Jesus, cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

And with those words I’m standing in front of my old kitchen sink, crying so I can’t see the dishes I’m washing because life. is. not. fair. My friend’s son, who was born the day after Malin, and who should be dancing around and laughing with his mama, is gone. Forever. And it doesn’t make any sense that I should be so happy while my friend’s life is falling apart.

It all happened about the same time (and about this time of year) – the Chris Rice CD that played on repeat throughout our home, dancing joyfully in the living room with laughing Malin, and the horrible, sudden death of my friend’s son. This time of year I always think of my friend and the intense changes in her life. Accidentally pulling out Chris Rice intensified the feeling for me this week.

Now, eleven years later, there’s still no way to phrase that story so any of it makes sense or feels fair or justified. It’s just life, right? Only, it’s a lot easier to say that when the hard things are happening in someone else’s life, isn’t it?

Have you ever popped in a CD that brought back a flood of unexpected memories?

 

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About ruthie.voth

Wife of one, mother of four, friend of many. Lover of details, color, good conversations, finding balance, and being honest. Passionate lover of a well-crafted sentence - even more so if it's witty. Weird blend of cynical optimist. I'm the worst kind of woman. I'm high maintenance, but I think I'm low maintenance. Somehow, people still love me. Must be grace.
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4 Responses to -“raise your head, for Love is passing by”-

  1. For me, lately those CDs are Janny Grein. Although I only hear her on YouTube which means I get images too. (not always great images) You can ignore those if you like. Gotta get me some Janny on CD! Janny’s song/voice/ represent a “return” to the jubilant overcoming faith of my youth.

    I love feeling your exuberance over your darling baby girl. And I can imagine the confusing pain you felt at that time too.

    I hope you can listen to a little Janny. I love every. single. song. of hers. This is a quiet one but she can rock it too.

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  2. joycemoyerhostetter says:

    Oh, great ! That video does not exist. Yeah right! I was playing. Guess you will have to google you some Janny.

    Like

  3. Ginny says:

    Joel and I watched ragamuffin a couple of weeks ago. I associate the Jesus Record with my early years of marriage. The Untitled Hymn is one I associate with my dad’s illness and when he died. This all reminds me of Trisha Yearwood’s The Song Remembers When. Can’t wait to see you!

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  4. i have been on an ‘old music’ kick for several months. certain songs bring certain memories flooding back. so much so that i remember the clothes i had on and the way the air smelled. it can be amazingly uplifting and heart wrenching all at the same time.

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