ashley – part 2

I used to wish
that someone would look at me
and know that he loved me
he’d say ‘Hey!’ – and when I looked at him,
there would be a light in his eyes
and I would know it too

(maybe I’d be playing in my grandma’s yard
and he’d drive by on the street)

but now there’s you
and that desire is gone
except, maybe, I do still wish sometimes
that someone would say, ‘ruthie, you’re the one for me.’
(maybe he sees me on my weekly trip to town)
and I’d say ‘sorry but my heart is taken –
there’s none left for me to give to you.’
-just that little part that I share
with all my casual friends.

and to see him walk away, devastated
would almost melt my heart.
but,

what heart!?
the heart that belongs to you,
that has been melted down
and formed into this mysterious shape
that, entwined with the shape of yours,
can never be undone.

and I can watch him go, knowing
that he never existed and probably never will
never needed, never missed
because I have nothing left to give.

10/03

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